I could no longer be the person I was...
I had the most unkind and vicious mind.... to myself.
I so often woke up to bullying, gaslighting, emotional and mental abuse... and so it has been for most of my life. It would be full swing ranting away at myself by the time I fully woke up...
I would get up feeling so small, powerless and worthless... and wonder why I could not turn my life around, day after day...
Call It Out
First I had to become aware of the chatter, hear it.
Then I had to stop believing it.... even befriend and learn to be grateful for all that part of me had been trying to do.
It must be the voices of my childhood mind, the ones who tried to keep me safe and functioning... a decision from an immature vantage point. A strategy...
How I Queen Every Morning
I wake up and MOVE... I am not an exercise person.. so I just move... at the moment I swim for about 20min. Sometimes yoga, walking, youtube videos...
I Crown Myself
I shower. I am mindful of my thoughts, tender and caring of my body, grateful for the hot water and gorgeous products I have chosen in my life.
I aromatically dress and affirm.... (an inspired idea from Vanessa Jean)
I like deeply moisturising cream, fractionated coconut oil is good too, I choose my favourite oils and mix them in my hand.
Then I begin to affirm myself.
I anchor myself in those aromas, patchouli and ylang-ylang my current favourites…
I make sure I have no mental chatter, no negative self-talk.
I feel my skin holding me, I feel my body so tied to my life - I am grateful for it.
I feel my worth, I know I am enough, I know I am loved.
Loved by myself.
I spent 40 years unable to feel this. I do not want this to be normalised, acceptable or ok. It isn’t.
My mission is that you will feel your worth, know you are loved, and boldly and bravely go forth every day knowing you are enough.
Get yourself some aromatic dressing and begin!
I don’t call a friend, or look it up in a book…. I know.
I feel my inner knowing, I feel my YES , I feel my NO.
I never abandon myself.
I feel where I am willing to meet people, to engage. I feel where I am afraid and I wish to lean into something, I feel when my edge is a firm and clear no.
I honour my edge.
I hold my keys, my power.
My choices, my actions, my responsibilities, my accountability.
I do not give my keys away and get a free pass, I do not give my keys away and rob someone else of their own key journey, I do not take keys from others.
Does this work.....
Only if I choose it every moment of every day.
Does this fail...
All the time!
Does this work?